that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This is my gift to your gina
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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