I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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