my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
handjob tips. give me some.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
