He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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