we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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