you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
