hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
