Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
