lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
