I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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