I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
