you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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