Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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