How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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