Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
