I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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