Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I am puke
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
3 2 1 whiskey
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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