Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
