just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
