Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
