Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
