meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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