if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
