I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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