Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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