ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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