wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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