I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize