at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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