so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
