She is in my trunk
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
