I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
