i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
