That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ladies don't puke and tell
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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