Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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