I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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