My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
