NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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