You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
