I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
