Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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