were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
