At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
