some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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