My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
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Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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