Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
