hell yes lets make some ravioli
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
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Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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