I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just invented taco cereal.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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