He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
