Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
