Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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