dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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