You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
