I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler