It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.