atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.