Are you guys doing anything tonight?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.