I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.