Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.