I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.