My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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