Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
