I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
