Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
