Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
