Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
