I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Floor bacon is actually really good
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
