sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
