you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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