I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
