I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
